The Love Struggle

COMING DOWN FROM MY HIGH HORSE: 5 reasons why I’m NOT a great catch…

Thanks to the two degrees I’ve earned and attending one of the top schools in the nation for my field, I have this attitude that I am a SUPER great catch and that once a guy meets me and has one conversation with me, I have no more work to do. He’ll know I’m the baddest bish… even if I have a mountain of student loan debt and am making $8 an hour, because that’s TOTALLY attractive.

*Webbie Voice* I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T!!!! *side-eye*

But an old flame “blew my sh*t” this weekend during a heart-to-heart conversation.  When we broke up, I was feeling like Beyonce… WHY DON’T YOU LOVE ME?!?!! While we were reflecting on where we went wrong and what could’ve been done better, he struggled to come up with a reason as to why he lost interest.He thought I was the “perfect” girlfriend… then he admitted… It was the way I dressed.

-__O

I don’t dress like a freaking stud, so I couldn’t see the problem. Why does it matter if I wear dresses, I’m still GORGEOUS LOL… Who wears a dress and heels to a backyard party, anyway?!… and then, suddenly I realized… A lot of ladies do. So, within a matter of minutes, my old love moved from being a shallow S-O-B to a genius… like Steve Harvey.

His confession sent me into a deep self-reflection and I came up with 5 reasons as to why I’m probably NOT great catch…

1.    I’M NOT YOUR “TYPICAL GIRL”

When I was younger, I wore my brother’s shirts. I had an obsession with Jordans and I bought MEN’S jerseys. Since then, I’ve traded in the oversized clothes for tiny V-necks, fitted jeans, and Nike trainers. I love heels too, but if given a choice, It’s obvious what I’d pick. I also don’t iron my clothes, I fall asleep with SportsCenter on my TV, I read Wired and GQ articles religiously and I talk a WHOLE LOT of trash, especially during football season.

2.    I HAVE VERY STRICT MORALS…

I don’t have sex… A combination of bad experiences and a quest for spiritual harmony have resulted in a vow of celibacy. Which results in lots of name-calling. I’ve heard, “pilgrim”, “nun” and “desert” so far…. Eff my life.

3.    I’M A FEMINIST…

No, I haven’t set my bras on fire, simply because America would be very angry if I walked around braless. Trust me. LOL But I believe in balance and fairness, so I don’t really subscribe to gender roles. Don’t expect me to cook and wash dishes because that’s what your Mom did. How about YOU wash the dishes and I cut the grass.

4.    I’M SUPER FRIENDLY…

One of my exes told me I was too friendly, because I would actually hold conversations with his friends. He hated it soooo much. I CAN’T HELP IF YOUR FRIENDS ARE SAVAGES. I’m just nosey and want to be all up in their business. Nothing more, nothing less.

5.    I’M FREAKING AWKWARD…

Ever since my 6^th grade dance when I felt a boy’s peen on the small of my back, I’ve sworn off dancing. Therefore, I can’t dance. I do a “rapper bounce” when I’m in the club, and I look really lame (Think “Drake Hand”). If you’re looking for a sexy show, I might not be your girl. I also snort when I laugh, laugh when I get “chose” and don’t take compliments well.

WELP, THERE IT IS FELLAS. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED…

PROCEED WITH CAUTION. ;-)